Last night I was up around 4:30am with Joel to feed Calvin and I was struck with amazement...(which really happens a thousand times a day, but I never really talk about it) I have gotten a nice and brutal cold from Calvin and was pretty exhausted yesterday, so the last thing I wanted to do was to wake up at 4:30am and feed my sweet baby boy, but I woke up none-the-less...I changed his diaper and then handed him off to Joel so that he could feed Calvin. With the hand-off came the permission from Joel to go back to bed. Happy about that, I wondered back into bed to try to sleep some more. Not a moment later, I found myself back up standing in the door way watching Joel and Calvin...I just couldn't keep my eyes off of them...as I was watching, I just fell more and more in love with them both.
Numerous people have been offering their babysitting services to us lately, but I am don't want to leave him with a babysitter...even if it is for an hour...the main reason is because I love looking at him. I love every little part of him. The thought of being away from him while someone else gets to bask in his beauty is just not my idea of fun. I think some would call that selfish, but you know what...I have had to go through a lot of pain, suffering, heartache and disappointment through my life, so I don't feel bad wanting to spend every moment of every day staring, holding, snuggling, kissing, and being with my baby!! I am getting a little better though...nanna can come over and be in a separate room with Calvin while I am doing something else for at least ten minutes before I come waltzing in and start to stare. I just have a hard time being away from him.
Anyway, last night, I couldn't help but feel all the emotions I had the day we were blessed with Calvin. It is amazing what children do to your family...the spirit they hold is so precious and pure. It is like being in heaven...but then I look around and remember that we are no where close to that yet. hahaha
Since Calvin has been sick, I have learned so much about babies, myself, and the love God has for us. It is so hard going through the first cold...something that no one ever told me about (I am working on a list of things that no one mentioned when it came to having children)...the gagging, choking, crying, ect that go along with it. At first I was so scared because I didn't really know what to do. I reflected back on what one of my good friends had done with her first baby, and mimiced her moves. Then I promptly got on Webmd and researched all I could to see if there was something I could do to help Calvin overcome this cold quicker...I called the nurse, friends, and then finally realized that I am doing everything I can and that he just has to suffer through it. That is so heartbreaking...having him crying in my arms, coughing and sneezing, knowing that I have done all I can. Going through this has made me realize the love of a parent....sometimes in life, we have to watch our children suffer through illnesses, pain, and mistakes that they make. We can only do so much, and when all is said and done, they are stronger for overcoming it, and have hopefully learned a thing or two about themselves. Calvin has learned that he needs to cough so that he doesn't choke on the mucus. I have learned that their snot is a lot stickier than ours is. hahaha
God loves us so much. He has put us on the earth at this time for a reason...we are never alone, and although we have to suffer through things individually, He is always there watching us, turning on the humidifier and helping us as much as we will let him. Of course he isn't going to fix all our problems, cure all our illnesses, or take away all our pain, because that would prevent us from learning what we need to in this life to help us overcome everyday obsticales. It sure would be easy to have all our problems fixed, but God knows that we need experience, trials, some suffering, in this life to make us who we are. We have our free agency to chose as we will, to learn of ourselves and to gain knowledge. I believe that he feels helpless a lot of times when it comes to us because he can only do so much, then the rest is up to us to overcome. It probably breaks His heart to see us making poor choices and suffering the concequences of our actions, but once we turn to Him, and open our hearts to Him, He will comfort us. I know that! I have felt His love around me, even in the loneliest of moments, in the darkest of the night.
Having Calvin in our lives has been such a blessing! He has opened my mind, heart, and spirit. I love him so much! I am so grateful that Cassandra was lead to find us, and that we have a bond unlike any other I have ever experienced. She is our beautiful angel and we love her so much!
As life moves forward and times change, the one thing that has never and will never change, is the love God has for us. He is unchanging...building a relationship with him through prayer and study will give us the sureity that we can make it through the hard times that are ahead. For me, it gives me the comfort of knowing that I am never alone, and that there is always someone there who understands my pain, questions, concerns, and trails. We are so blessed to have such a loving God.
I would love to hear experiences you have had...please share them in the comment section.
Numerous people have been offering their babysitting services to us lately, but I am don't want to leave him with a babysitter...even if it is for an hour...the main reason is because I love looking at him. I love every little part of him. The thought of being away from him while someone else gets to bask in his beauty is just not my idea of fun. I think some would call that selfish, but you know what...I have had to go through a lot of pain, suffering, heartache and disappointment through my life, so I don't feel bad wanting to spend every moment of every day staring, holding, snuggling, kissing, and being with my baby!! I am getting a little better though...nanna can come over and be in a separate room with Calvin while I am doing something else for at least ten minutes before I come waltzing in and start to stare. I just have a hard time being away from him.
Anyway, last night, I couldn't help but feel all the emotions I had the day we were blessed with Calvin. It is amazing what children do to your family...the spirit they hold is so precious and pure. It is like being in heaven...but then I look around and remember that we are no where close to that yet. hahaha
Since Calvin has been sick, I have learned so much about babies, myself, and the love God has for us. It is so hard going through the first cold...something that no one ever told me about (I am working on a list of things that no one mentioned when it came to having children)...the gagging, choking, crying, ect that go along with it. At first I was so scared because I didn't really know what to do. I reflected back on what one of my good friends had done with her first baby, and mimiced her moves. Then I promptly got on Webmd and researched all I could to see if there was something I could do to help Calvin overcome this cold quicker...I called the nurse, friends, and then finally realized that I am doing everything I can and that he just has to suffer through it. That is so heartbreaking...having him crying in my arms, coughing and sneezing, knowing that I have done all I can. Going through this has made me realize the love of a parent....sometimes in life, we have to watch our children suffer through illnesses, pain, and mistakes that they make. We can only do so much, and when all is said and done, they are stronger for overcoming it, and have hopefully learned a thing or two about themselves. Calvin has learned that he needs to cough so that he doesn't choke on the mucus. I have learned that their snot is a lot stickier than ours is. hahaha
God loves us so much. He has put us on the earth at this time for a reason...we are never alone, and although we have to suffer through things individually, He is always there watching us, turning on the humidifier and helping us as much as we will let him. Of course he isn't going to fix all our problems, cure all our illnesses, or take away all our pain, because that would prevent us from learning what we need to in this life to help us overcome everyday obsticales. It sure would be easy to have all our problems fixed, but God knows that we need experience, trials, some suffering, in this life to make us who we are. We have our free agency to chose as we will, to learn of ourselves and to gain knowledge. I believe that he feels helpless a lot of times when it comes to us because he can only do so much, then the rest is up to us to overcome. It probably breaks His heart to see us making poor choices and suffering the concequences of our actions, but once we turn to Him, and open our hearts to Him, He will comfort us. I know that! I have felt His love around me, even in the loneliest of moments, in the darkest of the night.
Having Calvin in our lives has been such a blessing! He has opened my mind, heart, and spirit. I love him so much! I am so grateful that Cassandra was lead to find us, and that we have a bond unlike any other I have ever experienced. She is our beautiful angel and we love her so much!
As life moves forward and times change, the one thing that has never and will never change, is the love God has for us. He is unchanging...building a relationship with him through prayer and study will give us the sureity that we can make it through the hard times that are ahead. For me, it gives me the comfort of knowing that I am never alone, and that there is always someone there who understands my pain, questions, concerns, and trails. We are so blessed to have such a loving God.
I would love to hear experiences you have had...please share them in the comment section.
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4 comments:
Haha. The most "why didn't anyone ever mention that?" moments are about baby poop for me. Umm, really? Yellow-ish/orange poop when they're first born? Gross. I thought Dean had an incurable disease. And, oh yeah, the SEEDS in the newborn poop (not really seeds though, they're really fat is what someone told me). Also, so gross.
Something else, more appealing, that nobody ever mentioned was how hard it would be to see them cry or hurt or even leave them with a sitter for a while - which I RARELY DO to this day and Dean is over 2 now! It's official, I'm a boob. But, ya know what? I adore just hanging out with my boys, they're my little buddies and I would never let anyone make me feel badly for that. You shouldn't either.
Oh, and people always say that you can't be friends with your kids because you're their parents...NOT TRUE! You can be both, you just have to choose when either is appropriate.
Nobody ever told me how I would bawl early in the morning while reading my daughters blog entries. I remember every time from her crying as a newborn, then on to sharing her roller skates with a friend (they each would wear one), getting in mischeif with her brother, throwing water balloons out the window , How she wouldn't go to prom unless she was asked in a cute creative way and on and on.
I can't believe how blessed I am to have the experience of being a grandmother. I can not express in words how grateful I am for the plan of the gospel. Little Cal is so sweet, I love to go and just watch him.
Daughter - don't miss a minute. It's worth it. Hold your babies and love them always, they grow up too fast.....and then you get enjoy being a grandma!
Your dad and I love you all very much.
He is sooo beautiful Lila! He is so cute. I couldn't stop looking at his pictures either. What a wonderful blessing. I love your testimony that you wrote. It was so inspiring to me and I took time to read the whole thing. It is totally amazing the joy that family brings. I ofter find myself thanking Heavenly Father as my heart fills with joy knowing that I have my family. Our third boy, we will call him Andrew, is due in about 10 weeks. THis pregnancy has definitely kicked my rear- must be all the bending with the other boys. Aden started preschool 2 weeks ago. He goes to days a week. It didn't seem right to leave him, but his loves it. so glad to be in contact with you. Say hi to joel for us and give that calvin a big kiss and a hug! No prob for you I'm sure!
love ya
Aurelia
Well my Lila I loved reading your testimony it brought tears to my eyes thinking our how our Heavenly Father knows each one of us and the trials he sends our way to make us better people and Lila I think from it all you have just grown and become more beautiful!
There are so many things you would never know about newborns and people dont tell you I think the one that shocked me the most was the lack of sleep holy cow! and the amount of laundry that ONE baby can make cuz you have to wash their clothes your clothes and the hubbies clothes once they puke on em!
It is amazing being a mother I thank Heavenly Father EVERYDAY for my 4 lil munchkins they are my life and love and I really dont think I could live life without them they have taught ME so much ( I always thought it was the mother teaching the child not vice versus but it is like the scripture be like unto the little children)
Enjoy every little moment you have with sweet lil Cal he is such a special and cute lil guy (well big guy =) ) I am THRILLED that you have the oppurtunity to be such a great mother (now dont forget jo jo gotta get out on those dates once in awhile ;) ) We love you tons and will MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!
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